Answers to some of your most often asked questions

Page Twenty-Five

Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.
Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp
P.O. Box 10548
Pompano Beach, Florida 33061
(954) 941-6508

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Q1: I blame myself for walking away from the marriage. When I finally repented, I found that my spouse didn't want me back.(click for answer)

Kim responds:
I know what it is like to blame yourself for walking away from your marriage and away from God. But He has a plan and a purpose for your life. That is why He has called you back into His loving embrace. That is why He has called you to stand for your marriage. This is a good first step.

Sometimes God calls us to wait for His answer. Sometimes He doesn't have everything ready. While He is working on the situation around you, He is also working on the landscape of your heart and the hearts of those around you, getting you ready to step into blessings already prepared for you.

"For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." Habakkuk 2:3

"This is what the LORD says: "In the time of my favor I will answer you, and in the day of salvation I will help you; I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people, to restore the land and to reassign its desolate inheritances. Isaiah 49:8

This thing called standing is something that God places in our hearts. We should be honored and privileged that He has called us to this important assignment - to stand in the gap for those we love. Your continued, faithful prayer will make all the difference.

Bob and Charlyne always tell us to go to God with everything. I have found that when my heart is hurting, when I don't know which way to turn, when I don't even know what to pray for, their advice is the one thing that works. I take it all to God in prayer. It doesn't always change the situation, but it always changes me.

These answers have developed in response to questions we have received over many years. May you consult the answers with an open Bible and an open heart, thus allowing God's Holy Spirit to help you find the truth.

To order Books and Tapes go to:
http://www.stopdivorce.org

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Q2: Did you invite Bob to Thanksgiving and Christmas Dinner?(click for answer)

Charlyne responds:
No, I did not. It was one of my biggest mistakes in my life and in my spiritual walk as I allowed anger and unforgiveness to drown out the voice of my Holy Spirit to forgive Bob and love him unconditionally.

These answers have developed in response to questions we have received over many years. May you consult the answers with an open Bible and an open heart, thus allowing God's Holy Spirit to help you find the truth.

To order Books and Tapes go to:
http://www.stopdivorce.org

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Q3: My spouse is bringing the other person to our children's activities, This hurts me a lot. What am I to do?(click for answer)

Charlyne responds:
Start praying and asking the Lord to give you grace and mercy so that you will act
and react as Jesus would. Walk in unconditional love. That is the secret in dealing with the other person. Keep asking yourself, "What would Jesus say or do?"

It is a praise that your spouse is at the children's activities. There are so many
that do not care. But, this is not just hard for you, it is very hard on your child.
Start praying and ask the Lord to remove this other person from coming to all functions and activities. Prayer works!

Read Romans 12:9-21.

These answers have developed in response to questions we have received over many years. May you consult the answers with an open Bible and an open heart, thus allowing God's Holy Spirit to help you find the truth.

To order Books and Tapes go to:
http://www.stopdivorce.org

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Q4: My spouse seems so happy.(click for answer)

Bob responds:
Your prodigal is not nearly as happy and their life is not nearly as content as it appears to you. Do you know the innermost thoughts of the one you love? Only the Lord does. So let's leave how things look and seem up to Him.

These answers have developed in response to questions we have received over many years. May you consult the answers with an open Bible and an open heart, thus allowing God's Holy Spirit to help you find the truth.

To order Books and Tapes go to:
http://www.stopdivorce.org

Close Answer

Q5: My spouse was coming around more frequently and spending time with his family. Now he talks about moving clear across the country.(click for answer)

Kim responds:
It is difficult to take that step backwards when we feel like we have really been moving forward. But I will tell you what Bob and Charlyne always tell us - keep praying. Your continued faithful prayer may make the difference between a good decision and a bad decision. Pray that God will open your spouse's eyes to the path he should be walking.

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16

The circumstances right now may frighten you, but give that fear to God and He will guide you. He will calm your stormy sea and give you safe haven in the night. There is a scripture verse that I often cling to when the situational seas around me are rocking and reeling.

"He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men." Psalm 107:29-31

These answers have developed in response to questions we have received over many years. May you consult the answers with an open Bible and an open heart, thus allowing God's Holy Spirit to help you find the truth.

To order Books and Tapes go to:
http://www.stopdivorce.org

Close Answer

Q6: My mate's heart is so hard right now. Is there hope?(click for answer)

Charlyne responds:
God tells us that He can turn the heart of stone to a heart of flesh.

These answers have developed in response to questions we have received over many years. May you consult the answers with an open Bible and an open heart, thus allowing God's Holy Spirit to help you find the truth.

To order Books and Tapes go to:
http://www.stopdivorce.org

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Q7: Is standing about more than just your spouse coming home?(click for answer)

Charlyne responds:
Yes, it is. You are standing for your prodigal to have a right relationship with God; to receive eternal life. Marriage restoration is a beautiful by-product of that right relationship with Christ.

These answers have developed in response to questions we have received over many years. May you consult the answers with an open Bible and an open heart, thus allowing God's Holy Spirit to help you find the truth.

To order Books and Tapes go to:
http://www.stopdivorce.org

Close Answer

Q8: Everyone reminds me about my husband's free will. How does this enter in?(click for answer)

We want to share the reply that Carole, one of our volunteers provided to a fellow stander:

When things become fast and furious at the Rejoice Ministries office, I help by answering e-mails. I am a stander. I have been standing for about a year and a half. I was married for 25 years before my husband left me for another woman. You write in your e-mail that "your husband doesn't love you anymore and doesn't want to." The destroyer who speaks through your husband on these occasions is the one who doesn't love you and who never will. As a matter of fact, if you allow him to, he won't stop with your husband but will sweep through the whole family. My husband is my "one-flesh" mate, even though he is living in adultery with another woman. I don't think God looks upon it as my privilege to pray for him, but rather my responsibility. You say that praying all those prayers and reading all those scriptures does nothing to change his will. This is not true. Charlyne can testify to the fact that prayer and the Word can change someone. I have a friend with whom I correspond who stood for her marriage after her husband coldly and formally announced to her that he didn't love her anymore and never would again. Today my friend enjoys the FRUITS of a God-centered, God-healed marriage that is a blessing to all around her. Her husband has said many times to her, "Thank you, thank you for standing for me." He is now a born-again to the bone Christian whereas before he was a so-so one.
It happens. God is no respecter of persons. What he has done for Charlyne and my friend, he will do for you and me...but it takes faith. The kind of faith that looks at the circumstances and says, "So what, what does it matter what he says or thinks?" Your husband has been taken captive by Satan to do his will. You have the choice of believing what comes out of your husband's mouth or what the Word of God says. My God tells me that with Him NOTHING is impossible (doesn't make any exceptions there about your hubby's 'will'). Let that piece of Scripture sink into the marrow of your bones. "With God ALL, ALL, ALL things are possible." He tells us to ask whatsoever we will, believing, and it shall be done for us. Do you notice any clauses in your Bible that prohibit God from acting? I don't. He tells us in Isaiah--"I work and who can hinder it?" Your husband? My husband? I think not.

These answers have developed in response to questions we have received over many years. May you consult the answers with an open Bible and an open heart, thus allowing God's Holy Spirit to help you find the truth.

To order Books and Tapes go to:
http://www.stopdivorce.org

Close Answer

Q9: Does my prodigal really think I am as bad as they are reporting?(click for answer)

Bob responds:
Absolutely not. A tool of the enemy in destroying marriages and in hindering their restoration, are the words spouses use. Prodigals who have been taken captive by Satan become his mouthpiece. We echo his condemning words.

These answers have developed in response to questions we have received over many years. May you consult the answers with an open Bible and an open heart, thus allowing God's Holy Spirit to help you find the truth.

To order Books and Tapes go to:
http://www.stopdivorce.org

Close Answer

Q10: My spouse keeps doing the same thing over and over. How many times do I forgive him?(click for answer)

Charlyne responds:
Jesus has the answer to that question in Matthew, Chapter 18:21-22.

These answers have developed in response to questions we have received over many years. May you consult the answers with an open Bible and an open heart, thus allowing God's Holy Spirit to help you find the truth.

To order Books and Tapes go to:
http://www.stopdivorce.org

Close Answer